Thursday 19 June 2014

Why is my husbnd masturbating instead of having sex with me?

Taylor says:
I found out husband masturbated this morning after he woke me up and started getting ready for work. I'm really disappointed, sad, and feel angry that he didn't with me. He would have rathered jerked one while eating breakfast. How do I know...the washcloth he used to clean himself off with was in the basket and sorry to be explicit, but I know what he smells like because I give him BJ very frequently. 

He never gave me the sign that he wanted sex, just his normal hug and kiss and out to the kitchen where he looks at the computer. It makes me feel like a nobody, nothing and something physically he doesn't want to be with. We have great sex when we do, but that is to his boundry of only ever three day rule. I want it everyday and he knows this. Simply, he doesn't want it with me all the time like I do, he wants it (mentally) with other women. 

He also knows that I will do everything in the bedroom, EVERYTHING...I never say no and he says I fullfill every fantasy but now I know or have known this is a lie. I WANT TO KNOW WHY??? DO I masturbate, hell no! Do I fantasize, Hell no, why should I when I have him. I don't think like other women do.

I'm seriously thinking about asking him about this plus telling him we need a separation physically. This whole thing makes me very uncomfortable and second best. Can someone with a heart and no hurtful words please tell me what to do in this situation. I'm so uncomfortable with him right now when he calls at lunch I don't think I can talk.

You certainly have to talk about this but you are a little naive about the nature of men. ALL men masturbate and fantasize no matter how great their relationships and sex life is. That in itself doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or your relationship. The reason we do it is mainly because we can be completely selfish in our fantasies without hurting or disappointing real women - it is a mental as well as physical relief.

The REAL issue here is why is he imposing this 3-day rule? Once that is understood, you can find an answer together. Does he feel overwhelmed by your sexual appetite? Is it a power trip? Does he have performance anxiety? By all means ask him why he's masturbating when you'd gladly have sex with him, but don't pre-judge him - he could be very happy with you and have personal issues.

And by the way, if you are sexually frustrated, there's no reason why you shouldn't masturbate - it's not disloyalty, just harmless relief - and actually quite good for you. 

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