My marriage is in trouble!

Nicole says:
In July of 2013, my husband got with a group of people that he thought would help him in his business. They took him in, gave him a car, financed his club gigs, and kept him busy. Within a few months, he stopped coming home, started partying all night and hanging with strippers. He even told me he wanted a divorce because he was tired of me bitching about him not coming home. My husband was never like this before!! This went on for 5 months. I was so hurt, I would cry every day.

 He would see me cry and walk right out the door. As it turned out, those people lied to him about a lot of things so he decided to stop associating with them. He came home and apologized and was back to the person he was before these people came along. My thing is, I can't get over it!

He was so arrogant and nasty to me when he thought those people were helping him. I hate him for it and he knows it. He's trying so hard to make me forget, and is being such a sweetheart, but I'm scarred. I get so angry with him and he'll just sit there like a little puppy. Honestly, i feel like I just don't know what to do. I'm still hurting from it 3 months later. Please help! 

To say I forgive you is easy to say, but as you are finding out, very hard to do!

The fact is that your relationship has been damaged and will never be the same again, because now you know what he's capable of doing in the wrong circumstances. Trust, once lost, is very difficult and very slow to come back again.

If this relationship is to continue or if it doesn't, that hurt ISN'T going to ever go away. At best, it will become less painful and easier to carry with time. You have to accept that like you would for any bad experience. Your husband won't ever be able fix it.

The question is therefore not how to fix it, but do you still love him, and do you still want him? If the answer is YES then dictate reasonable terms for staying together - and if he breaks them, end it. But beating him continually over the head with what he did will not help you, him or the marriage. If you are going to carry on, you will have to be able to live with the hurt in return for being treated better from now on.

But only you know how strong you are and how deep your love is. Be completely honest with yourself. Only give him this second chance if you definitely don't want to be without him, and you are prepared to accept that he is not as strong as you would like him to be.