Kieran says:
I'm so angry at myself. I am in love with this girl… have been for
months. me and her used to be mega close and she has told me things that
she has never told anyone else. she used to fancy/like me last year and
i let her chase me without taking action because I'm an idiot. she got a
boyfriend and my life was hell for about 4 months. i realised i loved
her to bits. everything about her, her appearance, her personality, the
lot. i want to be with her, she's damaged from a rocky few years she's
had and is fragile and vulnerable and i want to hold her in my arms at
night with her knowing that she's is loved and is safe and no matter how
hard life gets i love her.
However she recently broke up with her boyfriend. and i thought i could
try and start things up with her as we remained close friends and she
gave me mixed signals but when i told her how i felt she said that she
chased me for months and she didn't even see me, ( yeah the most
regretted thing I've ever done! ) and that she only sees me as a friend
and that I'm the cutest guy she knows and she adores me but I'm trying
to settle for something less than i should, i was devastated. i told her
i couldn't be friends with her anymore because id be always wanting
more, and we didn't say a word to each other until friday where she text
me saying ' she misses me immensely' so my heart strings were pulled. i
ended up leaving her a voicemail telling her how much i loved her and
she said she'd ' had a think about it and will call me the next day'.
next day came and no phone call, i got upset ( this was today ) and
ended up having a MASSIVE argument with her ending up in her saying she
will not say a word to me ever again so none of us will get hurt. it
contained a lot of my feelings towards her and how I've been there when
she cries in the middle of the night, when boys hang her out to dry and
ditch her, when every things getting too much for her she texts me and i
tell her everything is going to be ok. I'm always there for her and she
used to like me as we used to fantasise about being with each other and
how much we wanted to snuggle at night and be together.
from what she said she was talking to this other guy who will only treat
her like **** and use her for one thing. i know this because i know the
guy quite well and i ended up saying to her after she said he was
ignoring her ;
want to really know why Ryan's ignoring you? because he wants you for
one thing and one thing only and you haven't given it up to him yet and
now he's getting less and less interested... feel free to disagree but
I'm a guy so i know what some guys think, I'm deleting this number now i
think because I'm so angry, upset, confused, i thought you were
different to every other girl, your not a ****, your not a *****, you
were actually my best friend and then feelings caught up and after
months of playing and playing with them you just got bored and shattered
my heart... , you've used me as emotional support, ego booster in other
words and I'm not going to be that anymore, i wanted a normal
relationship with the girl I've come to adore no more no less and I'm
not going to settle for being ' just friends ' and listening to all the
guys playing you and taking advantage of you. your fragile and soft,
something that shouldn't be thrown around
it didn't go down well and the last message i put was this;
i know you know when you cry at night and need somebody to talk to that
all you'd have to do is put a ' :( ' to my phone, whatever the time and
you'll get a reply in at least 1 minute, thats because my phone is
always next to me waiting for your name to pop up on the screen, its
been a habit since i fell for you and thought you liked me and ill
probably carry on doing it... i don't care if your phone is off now, if
you feel like ever, later tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month, or
even later down the line actually talking to me like a genuine person
you care about again, all you have to do is call or text. because i know
what me and you felt for each other last year is not lost forever and
ill continue to believe that until i can't bear to any longer. i want to
snuggle up to you at night and let you fall asleep in my arms knowing
that your loved, your safe and valued and knowing that no matter how
hard life gets, ill always make room for you. that is my LAST MESSAGE
until i get a reply, which could be never
I've just ruined everything i had with this girl. i love her so much ):
and its all gone… she said I've treated her like a princess etc. but i
feel like such i bad person now ): she has texted me in the middle of
the night with a ' :( ' with no ambition of a conversation. just saying
that she's sad. we both said sorry and we'd talk about it soon. but she
once again came back to me :(
This very long story is a very simple situation - you know what you want
and she doesn't. This leaves you with a clear choice: persist with her
in the hope she'll see it's you she needs, or let her go completely,
heal and move on. Logic dictates that choice 2 will be less painful in
the long run, but since when was love logical?
You certainly need to stop blaming yourself. You didn't screw up - she
is screwing you up by not knowing what she wants. My inclination would
be to say "call me when you want to go with me, but don't expect me to
wait forever" Easy for me to say, it's not my feelings.
If you can't walk away, I sadly believe that you have a lot more heartache coming your way.
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