I still think about my ex

Tammy says:
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. Throughout our relationship I've thought about my ex but I don't understand why. I don't feel any love for him or miss anything we had together because I'm better off now. I've thought about my ex to the point where I can't take it no more.. I would force myself to think about my ex and I being together but that only makes me feel nothing.. I don't miss him or the relationship.. I don't feel like I love him.. I feel scared for my current relationship. It's the best I've ever had and I don't want to lose it.. my heart is telling me to stay, but my mind is telling me to try to force something with my ex if I keep thinking about him.. my ex and I also did not have a very good relationship so I keep thinking what ifs since he said he's changed and still loves me after 3 years..

This is a serious case of denial - the reality is you still desire your ex, even though you're with a better guy. I'm afraid neither love nor lust do logic - we don't desire the most the ones who treat us best!

What's going on is the REVERSE of what you're saying - your MIND says stay, your heart and other parts are saying something else!

However, that doesn't mean you should necessarily seek out the other guy - it just means you need to be honest with yourself - you still desire him. Accept it as a fact! That does NOT make you a bad person - we cannot help what feelings we have.

However, what you feel and what you decide to do are separate things. Get some space to yourself, maybe a day or so on your own, and honestly ask yourself this question - what would make you really happy? Don't try and figure it out like a math problem - just listen to your heart. It doesn't use words or explanations, you just KNOW the answer. Whatever the answer is, that's where you need to go.