Tuesday 28 January 2014

My ex is harrassing me

First and foremost, I warn that this is a long and somewhat complicated post.
I was with my ex-partner (who I've been apart from for 8 months now) for nearly 4 years. I broke up with him the first time (this was roughly just over a year before I broke up with him for good) because he was very lazy, only played games, didn't make an effort to get a job, didn't make an effort with the relationship because he had the mindset that I wasn't going anywhere no matter what. Unfortunately this made me incredibly unhappy, so I ended it. Due to not being able to get over him, I went back (stupidly) about a month later. He made all these promises that he was going to get a job and make more of an effort with us.

Roughly a year went by, nothing changed and I became even more miserable. He would get upset if I wanted to go out own to do work things (I work for myself and go to the post office a lot), I always had to wait until things (as simply as going out) were okay with him, whenever we'd argue he wouldn't let me leave even for a breather, he'd physically stand in my way of the door so I couldn't leave his room (I should point out that I would stay with him for weeks/months at a time with him at his mum's house because we lived about 2 and half hours apart, she also lives with 9 year old twins, a severely autistic son who's 12 and a very mildly autistic daughter who's 17.. The Dad isn't around because he's a psychopath and social services moved the family.. But that's a whole different story altogether) So, it was a very tense atmosphere to be in anyway, and when we argued, we had to keep it down low so that no one knew about it. They were a very nosy and hurtful bunch so that's why we kept it very quiet. I got sick and frustrated of being not only suppressed by the environment I was in but by him being controlling.

So, that was 8 months ago when I broke up with him. Simply wasn't happy for all the reasons stated above, we tried to talk about things but he never did anything to change things for the better.

He continues to text me every day even now (I set a firewall up on my phone as the phone courier apparently doesn't have the authority to block numbers as it's against the law.. I'm also on contract so I can't simply go get a new number, if I want to do that I have to pay £25. As I'm in the motions of moving out, that £25 is currently very valuable to me. The firewall only tells me how many texts have been blocked and I know that they're him). Through ignoring his texts/phone calls, this has now expanded to emailing my personal email and my work email, on both his email accounts (he's got two emails that he uses). I blocked all his emails accounts, but as I've got a facebook page for my business, he's started messaging me on that. For some reason, you can't block or delete someone through messages on the facebook page, only if they comment on something or if you see them under the 'like' members of your page (this isn't just a normal fb profile, it's a page that you 'Like').

I've told him firmly, countless times, to leave me alone. All he says is, "I can't, it's too hard." or "Please just talk to me." He ask if he can come see me, and constantly asking the same questions over and over, no matter what I say it doesn't sink in. So I decided to completely ignore him altogether, despite how incredibly difficult it is to give in to the guilt, seeing as trying to answer his questions and give him closure, even telling him to do something with himself to take his mind off things, did absolutely nothing. Yet he still continues to hassle me.

I feel guilty for leaving the relationship, I know he's only hurting, so I feel going to the police about it would only make him feel worse or be a drastic action to take at this point.. But at the same time I can't be miserable with someone, for the sake of their happiness. My feelings faded and he can't grasp that concept. He thinks that there must be some way he can make them come back, but I've moved on and I've told him that more than enough times.

I feel like I can't put all this to rest because nothing I do stops him from contacting me, that's all I want so I don't have to keep constantly suffering from the guilt. I even when I begged him to leave me alone as it's all making me very anxious.

I might come across like I'm enjoying the attention, but it's a nightmare. It's making me miserable and paranoid to go out in case he decides to make an appearance.

Any advice or suggestions? 


You have done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about. Relationships require consenting adults, and you clearly no longer consent. He is clearly an insecure and controlling individual and you are doing everything you know how to to quite rightly resist that.

There is more you can do. Firstly tell EVERYBODY that this man is harassing you, including who is and where he lives and whenever he does it. I know that seems harsh, but it's you or him, and it has to be you. Secondly consider taking out a restraining order on him. You can research this online yourself or consult a Citizens Advice Bureau. Finally I am sure you can report abuse to Facebook, and you must certainly do so.

You deserve to happy and free - continue to fight for your right. 

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