Chelsea says:
I'm in a relatively new relationship (a couple months) with someone with
some really bad habits. One of these habits is smoking. I detest
smoking for myself personally but really because so many in my family
have developed lung cancer whichthe docs have attributed ro ther smoking
habitsand, in the case of my grandfather, second hand smoke. So many
have died and it's very upsetting to think that he smokes for no good
reason. I don't know how much he smokes per daybecause when I am with
him he doesn't. Some days I am with him for six hours, others only a
couple. He hadmentioned trying to quitforme and because he had stopped
aroundme I assumed he reallywas but then he was 30min late one day and
he smelled like freshly smoked cigarettes, now he's backtracking saying
that he only can if I'm around because I distract him from wanting his
smoke. My problem is I can't see him for long becausemy parents don't
know about him, but I can't until he quits but he cannot when I'm not
around.
The bottom line is that he is a smoker, and if you want to be with him,
that's what you have to accept, unless you deliver an ultimatum or
declare it a deal-breaker. You are wanting to have cake and eat it.
Relationships are all about consent not coercion. If you are trying to
force him to give up, you are undermining the relationship from the
start.
Accept it and him or reject it and him, simple as that. You will have to
decide what's more important - your feelings for him or your
family-wide aversion to smoking. The right choice is whatever your heart
rather than logic tells you.
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